next »

[redperil]

Tweet

deleted - submitted for consideration

[Ġakbu]

Tweet

Must say, quite enjoyed the rhythym in this. Did you aim to creat poe-prose/prose-poetry? It reads as such, and the alliteration, and fat stanzas, reminded me of one of the few Maltese poets I like, called Victor Fenech.

^{the foul mouthed poet}

The Lark, I presume? I very much like him. Almost as funny as Eric Morecambe, and they both look very similar. I thought Wilberforce was that priest in the Huxley-Wilberforece debate, but then I checked and saw that he was a politician. Is the statue covered with pigeon tattoos?  

I've never delved too deeply into the art of prose-poetry. If that is your aim here, I'd suggest that you try it a bit more, it's very enjoyable to read, and can easily work with both light and serious verse.

As for the Lark, he'd probably be considered mild nowadays, his language that is, very mild. I myself wouldn't use certain words in poetry, but with him, I felt that most of them were not used to deliberately provoke, though in some cases, I do find them unsuitable. But then, he did say that he'd like to think that people in pubs read his poems.

[Father Luke]

Tweet

Sometimes I read poetry and get it.
It's there. The message is simple.

Other times I read and get lured into thinking ...pondering:

Well, what is it about this that makes me think?
Look at what the author is doing here...

...like that.


This poem is of the latter.

I didn't recognize the names -- I'm mostly ignorant of history --  and, so, felt
immune to the effects of this poem upon first reading. But I'm an open-minded cuss,
and I wanted to get the meaning behind my biases, and see what the author had to write.

Sometimes we have to work to read a poem, and the author will reward us.
Sometimes we just have to work to read a poem, with no reward.

I was rewarded in taking my time in reading this. That was nice.


I don't have any other thoughts to offer.
Unless you were looking for something specific?

[red_sparrow]

Tweet

This is brilliant, redperil. I'm constantly reminded of how brilliant you are. I've got nothing on this poem: nothing to add, take away or change. Thank you for writing, and for providing this little snippet of joy in my day

[redperil]

Tweet

I lived in Hull for a year. The collapse of industry destroys cities and their respective populace. It's trying, as many other cities around the world have done, to rebuild itself.

I'm glad you all enjoyed it. If you didn't check it out, Wilberforce was one of the key figures behind the abolishment of slavery in the former British Empire. There are several things I was thinking about when writing this. Despite the specific references, this is supposed to be universal in its ideas, so I hope that comes across.

I have an obsession with the use of alliteration. I'm sure that puts people off, but I love the way you can (attempt) to control the way something is read, by the use of this technique.

Yes, it is prose poetry, James. However, I didn't set out with that intention, it's just the direction it went in. I don't think what I wanted to convey would work as pure poetry ( whatever that is!).

I think I may work in this style a bit more, given the response.

During the miners strikes, the demonstrators chanted, "Bigger cages, longer chains". It's something I regularly ponder on.

[Vincent Turner]

Tweet

One of the best posts i have read of yours.

I've always wanted to visit Hull- only for the fact that Larkin spent many years at the university there, and for that reason only.

Parts of this reminded me of ( and please don't be offended) Pete Dohertys lyrics- "the canal drudgers and dirty buggers"

I noticed your like for alliteration and must say that it works very well here, parts of this are almost song like- maybe that was the effect you was after.

Some images i very much admire are:

whose chimneys pump
her armpit perfumes.

grabbing crumbs
from the crumbling bread houses

There were parts where i think you lost some of that jaunty rhythm- again maybe this was intentional

In these clouds,
the madness of the poor went about their vices

and i found  this line a bit of a mouthfull-

and he watches the children he set free to prosper,

-



All in all a really enjoyable piece.

Best Regards

[redperil]

Tweet

thanks Vincent. There really isn't much reason to visit Hull, although bizarrely, the statue of William Wilberforce looks down on a statue of Mick Ronson (David Bowies former guitarist)!

I'm toying with things at the moment, without even thinking about writing something for publication (chance would be a fine thing). Hope Ireland is still suiting you? I move to Malta in January for 6 months. I'm hoping that may be the catylist for my writing.